They say ignorance is bliss.

And it WAS, for a while, but sooner or later, reality was bound smack me in the head (or a more southerly body part, in this case). The results of my follow-up exam are abnormal.

So, in three weeks, I must submit to a colposcopy. For those who want extensive, clinical details about this procedure, click here. For those who do not, let's just say the doctor's going to poke around in my hoo-hah for a few minutes to see what the hell is going on down there.

It's NOT cancer, they told me, but they need to see if it's anything of concern. So I'm just gonna chill, and put this out of my mind until the time comes.

Yeah, right!


Test anxiety

Four months ago, a routine doctor's visit, a routine test, followed by the routine 'we'll send you the results in two weeks'. And the two weeks go by, and nothing. Did I miss the e-mail, did my answering machine go wonky? But hey, no news is good news, right?

Week three, there's the e-mail 'Results abnormal. Please schedule a follow-up appointment in three months.'

Abnormal? What does that mean? Is it minor? Is it serious? So I wonder, then I worry, then I scour the Internet. As they say - six of one, half a dozen of the other. For every article I read that scares me, there is another that eases my mind. But still, I worry, because I'm really good at it. And I ask a close friend. "Abnormal?" she says "No reason to panic. I've had those before!" And she goes on to say that they have to do X and they have to do Y, and then you're fine. No reason to worry. So I worry a little less each day. Things become all blurry in my head, and they stay that way for three months.

Then there is the reminder letter, and I schedule an appointment, and I wait, and I worry. And my appointment is cancelled due to an emergency. Doctors have emergencies all the time, you know.

So I make another appointment. And I wait, and I worry. And tomorrow, I will see the doctor, and he will perform the test, and in two weeks I will get an e-mail saying everything is normal, and I have nothing to worry about. And I will go on with the routine business of life. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.